There are plenty of stories regarding trans experiences in healthcare (hint: most are horrible, searching “trans health fail” will explain) but I have yet to come across one explaining how LGBT+ healthcare workers (I can only speak for registered nurses) navigate the system during and after work hours.
Once upon a time I wrote a paper in college regarding my experiences, and I came across a piece of research explaining that LGBT+ nurses are the most underrepresented minority in the profession. There could be many reasons for this, such as not having the time or care to explain your gender identity/sexuality to patients, not feeling safe explaining these things to coworkers or simply not feeling the need to. Obviously it can get a lot more complex than this, when I find the study again I will site it here.
With the above points in mind, I can only really speak from my personal experiences.
The first begins with the fact that nursing is a female dominated profession. With this comes the general perception of “maternal instinct or properties” “empathetic tendency” and my favourite, “a predisposition or innate ability to be caring and show compassion”. this of course discredits any male or non female identifying individual from the profession (in a stereotypical manner, but it is absolutely enforced by educators, managers etc). Because of these stereotypes and perhaps just a touch of internalized misogyny,. I have essentially put on a facade during the entirety of my nursing education. I felt that I had to put on this “hyperfeminine” and extroverted face to be taken seriously. I felt I had to dance on eggshells in my white little sneakers and wear purple scrubs and be happy all of the time. This of course is not the case, but any sign of a lack in extroversion was seen as a direct correlation to a lack of understanding.
“You don’t like making small talk? Well you have no bedside manner.”
“You’re not asking questions? Well, you don’t understand the material.”
“You become stressed out at the thought of having people’s lives in your hands? You’re not cut out for the job.”
I could go on, and on.
Putting on this “show” of femininity and extroversion was (and still is) really exhausting. Trying to be that “type” of nurse that everyone seemed to be looking for took a lot out of me. So much that after days in the hospital I would sit in my bed – in the dark – all afternoon and evening just so I could recharge for the next shift.
I could honestly chalk all of this up to my lack of insight towards my gender identity. It seemed that everyone was looking for the nurse that identifies as such. I was so busy searching for the identity of a nurse that when I was finally in a place where I had to be my most true and authentic self I found that I was not meant to be this way.
Now, this brought me to my trans identity (more so transmasculine, non binary). I had to truly question who I was putting the “show” on for. I figured it wasn’t for me anymore.
This realization brought up other issues. Issues in navigating the system as a patient rather than a staff member. To put things in perspective, I can say that I still have yet to come out to a healthcare provider. I can have all the goals in the world (I want to start T, I want to have top surgery) but none can be accomplished by remaining in the closet to those that will guide me to achieve my goals. The advocation that goes on in a clinic room is so stressful with my other health issues (anxiety, depression, obesity) that my blood pressure skyrockets 20mmHg before we even get to the subject. It usually ends with me getting the f out of there and never wanting to return.
To get this novel back on track, I can say that being a nurse really messed things up for me as much as it led to self realization. My demons lie in knowing (and seeing) how healthcare providers justify the mistreatment of LGBT+ people, and how often personal prejudice gets in the way of compassion.
On a separate note, this is my first ever blog post, so forgive me.
jazzociraptor 